Beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholder. We fall in love with what we consider lovable in other people. When you value romance, looks, wealth or sex as the main lovable parameter it becomes what attracts you to a partner. Remember that others can be easily attracted to these qualities too. But there are higher values, values that ensure enduring relationships – they are the things you should pursue.
You need to change your mindset and accept these higher values if you must secure a lasting relationship. This is irrespective of whether you are already in a relationship or are looking to go into one. So what are these higher values to expect?
The following are some of those signs which you should look out for to tell whether you are in a healthy relationship.
Mutual openness
Your partner speaks their mind and you also speak your mind freely. Your relationship will thrive when both of you can express yourself freely and honestly. That means no topic is off-limits, and you listen to each other all the time. Consistent unrestricted communication is vital to building a lasting and healthy relationship.
Joint decision making
This means that your partner doesn’t dictate and then you follow. Neither do you. From what food to cook to how many children to have, you make decisions together and listen to each other’s concerns and desires. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you always survive on compromise. Sometimes you strike a win-win – say, we eat yam today because your partner loves it and tomorrow you can have the beans you enjoy.
They create balance
Your partner easily and gladly makes trade-offs when the occasion demands. Sometimes you may need to work longer and return late. In such situations, they gladly do what you should have returned to do, saving you the stress when you return from work. It matters that in the long run, the trade-offs should be fair – you do the same for them too.
Mutual trust
Healthy relationships are built on trust and a commitment to communication without reservations or secrets. Even though trust is earned rather than simply given, some people are more disposed to trust than others. A man or woman who hardly trusts is likely to keep a relationship that is shaky and unstable.
Kindness and respect
Nothing is more important than being treated with care, consideration, empathy, and appreciation by someone you love. If you find your partner showing more respect, kindness, and care to people they hardly know that they show you, take a step back and review the relationship. You may have been alone in it all along. It’s better to realize it now than later.
They confide in you
It is important that when your partner has issues and concerns, they share them with you, not their Facebook friends or physical friends. If a partner doesn’t see the need to confide in you in whatever problems or issues they are facing, the future may not be too bright for your relationship.
They let things go
You will certainly annoy your partner sometimes. It could be that you will say things you don’t mean. You may behave inconsiderately. It is very important how your partner deals with all that. A person who would keep a lasting relationship is that who doesn’t fail to express his or her disappointment, and then forgives and let things go.
They love you
When you are attracted to a person and fall for them because of their looks or wealth, it can be difficult to decide whether they love you or not. Your judgment may be clouded for as long as what you are attracted to remains present. Your view of love becomes different from what it truly is. But a relationship that will last is not built on lust, sentiments, or temporal gratifications but on love. Love endures. By this, you both recognize that neither of you is perfect. You accept and value each other for who you are at any time.
They are a safe place for you
Your relationship should be a safety net – a stable place to come home to at the end of the day. This does not mean that you don’t fight – it just means that when things are hard, you would rather see your partner than commiserate with co-workers after work. A man or woman that makes you feel safe in this manner is someone you can keep a lasting relationship with.
Intimacy
Intimacy is not the same thing as romance and is certainly not about sex. Sex is important in a relationship but it’s only one part. Intimacy is more about bonding, friendship, and familiarity than about physical satisfaction. If you are in a healthy relationship, you will feel connected with your partner – in and out of bed, and at all times. Romance can set a scene for intimacy but does not always result in intimacy. Romance is about the lure of chemistry and charm, is superficial, and can be easily feigned; it is not necessarily long-lasting.
You fight
Disagreements are normal in healthy relationships, so if you don’t fight, chances are someone is holding back. But when people in healthy relationships fight, they fight productively, fairly, and lovingly. That means avoiding name-calling and resolving to settle things quickly following the fight. It also means striving to understand your partner instead of trying to score points. When this is the case, you can be sure that you are ready to go a long mile together.
The magic words
Your partner knows and can say the words “I love you”, “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry” easily and sincerely. Those are the magic words. Using them freely says a lot about their person – it shows they can be caring, humble, respectful, and peace-loving.
When any of the above values are possible or available, it shows you are going to be or are in a healthy relationship – one that will endure over time. If you seek these values in a new relationship, ensure your expectations align appropriately and be more open to embracing people.
Keeping an open mind when considering a serious long-term relationship ensures you don’t miss out on opportunities. Give people a chance irrespective of whether you are attracted to them at first or not. Attraction can be deceptive and misleading at the start of a relationship – it can be blinding. Sometimes you don’t get to know how loving people can be until you get to know them.
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