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| /Courtesy |
Ladies, taking control sexually doesn't necessarily have to involve handcuffs, blindfolds, ropes or imperative phrases like "you've been a naughty chartered accountant!" There are subtler and much more effective ways to take control in the bedroom.
Be a tease
Teasing can be a form of domination, stimulating different erogenous zones, without giving in to the actual acts, that gives you all the cards in the sexual deck. Playing with expectations, physical and otherwise, puts you right in the driver's seat.
Be a nudist
Never be scared to just rip all your clothes off as soon as you get in the door. " Nothing says " I'm calling the shots," like deciding when, where, and how it's going to happen.
Be on top
It seems obvious, but there are different ways to get on top. You could just be there, kneeling, while he does that funny-looking-but-effective hip-thrust-from-below thing, or you could actually take control up there. Be a real cowboy as opposed to a tourist at a dude ranch.
Be restrictive
You can use ropes (I know someone who keeps silk ties in a drawer next to her bed), or cuffs, or whatever you can find, but you don't really need any of that stuff. You can just keep him from putting his hands anywhere, no restraining devices necessary.
Be inventive
Be the one to initiate different positions. Even if he's the one doing the work, tell him how to take you, where to put his hands, how fast or slow.
Be a geography major
Initiating sex, or just random make-out sessions, in new places is another way for you to be in charge. The grocery store may not be the sexiest place on the planet, but a carefully placed stroke or kiss can let him know that you're the one who decides when it's sexy time.
Be blunt
Like so many other parts of relationships, communication is the key here. If you want to work on being in charge, work on being upfront, and blunt. Stop asking, and start directing.