What is the worst thing a parent can feel, in your opinion? I’ll give you a few seconds to think about that while reading the screenshot below before I give you my answer.
Now, from my perspective, the worst thing a parent can feel is “hopeless.” This is when you’re feeling like there’s no hope for you, your child, or your family because everything, absolutely everything, is going wrong and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
What can a parent do
to change this seeming downward spiral?
Now, back to the screenshot above, most of us are trying
to raise our kids using the same tools and techniques our parents used. And,
while those techniques may have worked with our generation, they are not very
effective with this generation of kids. Where I would never even consider
talking back to my mom (at least not while she was in the same room as me),
kids today are growing up in a different culture, one where disrespect and
defiance towards adults are much more accepted and often glorified in media.
The line between children and adults has become blurred, with many kids not
seeing the boundary at all.
When interacting with new parents, we talk about
how it all starts with assuming control and conveying the calm self-confidence of an empowered parent. Does this mean you will actually feel like
you are always in control? No, probably not. When I’m faced with a situation
where I’m not really feeling in control, a saying that we used a lot comes to mind: “Fake it till you make it.” In other
words, act as if you are in control even if you’re not feeling
like you are. You will get to a point where assuming control comes naturally
and you’ll no longer be acting.
Let’s say you are
asking your son to clean his room for the umpteenth time. Be clear with your
expectations and let him know that, until he cleans his room, he’s not going to
be able to get certain privileges. Link the task to one of his privileges. Start
having him earn those things he considers rights by linking them to what you
want him to do. He may respond to your request with “Whatever” or
something equally irritating. How do you respond? If you’re like many parents,
you might jump into the fray, feet first, saying something like “How dare you
talk to me that way? Who do you think you are? Let me tell you something…” He
responds with something even more disrespectful, and a fight begins. Now, the
issue is no longer about whether or not his room gets clean. Instead, it’s
about the power struggle you are now fully involved in.
So, try something different. Instead of getting into that argument, ignore the remark and walk away. Go into another room, go for a walk, do anything other than get into an argument. Even though it may feel like he’s winning, the truth is, you’re still the one with the power. He’s not going to get the privilege until his room is clean, so what is he actually winning?
There are many Christian guides that will help you
respond to your child’s behavior more effectively, helping you turn what seems
like a hopeless situation into one with a much more promising
outlook. Believe me, there is hope — all it takes is a little courage on your part to start doing things a
little differently, so you can assume control of your parenting and your
family.
Final Thoughts On
Parenting
The good thing is,
although parenting is hard, it is also very rewarding. The bad part is the
rewards usually come much later than the hard work. But if we try our best now,
we will eventually reap the rewards and have nothing to regret.
To Happy Parenting!