This article is very long but worthy of the read and mainly for mature Christian single women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
The tone may be a bit direct not because I am brash but
because I am writing to Women, not girls. All your single girlfriends AND male
friends should read this. So here we go. Why can’t our wonderful Christian
sisters find their Boaz, David, or Joseph?
1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows
where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue: Think about
that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had
relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a
clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they
had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God
said he was taking them. Just think about it.
All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know;
Joseph had a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and
then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15
years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who were
barely able to catch fish. These men would have had a rough time finding a wife
today. Could you imagine?
Abraham called sister Sarah aside after church and saying
“Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere
…but I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”David too. “Look, baby…I
really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you…
In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes
right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”Or Joseph.
“Look, Jill, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and
I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m
a slave boy there” God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the
details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out! Here is the solution
though…..here is the good news.
Here is what you SHOULD be looking for: Men who can be LED
by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best-laid plans.
Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner. The Boaz,
David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows
how to follow God.
2. Many ladies approach relationships from the
perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: Meaning, they want to get the
absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking
about finances here)They don’t want to put themselves out there at all. They
want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with
them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You
act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation.
He doesn’t know anything about your background but you
turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You
are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane
percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but
you want a man who knows how to make and keep the money.
You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it
needs to be but you want a demon chasing, tongue-speaking, Bible spitting
warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.You’ve dated a
bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had
several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover
yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push-up
bras, makeup, and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really
are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay
up all night working on a project.
If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut? In
essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say
that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s
will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a
man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They
want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his
life utterly figured out…But I have met many great men who haven’t found the
employment they have the potential to get. I have met many others who were
living it up until the economy crashed. I have met some who had it all but God
insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel. If you want a Boaz, David, or Joseph, you’re going to have to be ok not having everything perfectly
figured out
3. Many ladies forget those good Christian men look for
women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values: Sure he
should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm
ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as
well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together.
Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work,
follow-through, and so on. One of the first things we learn about Ruth, for
example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair
back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She
worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well-established
guy with a sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working.
She took the break that he offered her and went back to
work. That’s how you earn a man’s respect…when you can show him that what he HAS
does not define who you are. Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth
could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth
3:3)The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than
butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.
4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads: This
is one of the most CRITICAL reasons. The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man
…spends a long time NOT looking like the Boaz, David, or Joseph the world will
eventually come to know.
5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want
to settle either: Yea ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more
too. Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship
seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are
realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives
and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the
surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that
a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards a purpose or derail him. They are
praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they
too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing
that a wife can make or break a man. Yes, they are praying for a Ruth but they
are also praying against Delilah as well. The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man
knows his worth too.
6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:
A few years ago, an older friend (a number of years older than me) came up to
me after a church program and asked me about a lady in my church. Who she was
and what she was like as a person. I didn’t stop talking for minutes. They were
married about a year later. The same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs
3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth, and asked his Foreman “Who is that and
who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic
testimony of her character. (See Boaz’s response in Vs 11)Here is a secret
ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your
girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we
think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around
about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they
will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around the church and
make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty
eye next Sunday. Bro code. The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic
sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a
prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in
you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have
watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you
didn’t like. How did you handle those situations? (You totally need to read
that article link above…especially the 2nd part of that series)The Boaz, David
or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for
testimonies of the woman’s character
7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man:
That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh
eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that
those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they
should be busy developing those qualities themselves. Single Christian men are
reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting
that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man. The Boaz,
David or Joseph Kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.
8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are
not truly ready to be led: They want to marry a boyfriend but not a
husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional
prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority
to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his
representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost
respect to women. Men were created to lead at home. Now, with that leadership
comes accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will
punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a
woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he
can’t be accountable to God about. The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a
great servant leader like Jesus Christ…but he is a born leader and he knows it
9. Many young married Christian women are painting a
fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies. Many young
married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married
women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single
friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is.
Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings,
perfect Facebook updates, photos, and so on. Is there anything wrong with that?
No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with
their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It
would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk
about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a
Godly man) and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a
weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single
sisters all dreamy-eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect
man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a
red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding
is not the marriage and doesn’t want to create an impression he can’t
maintain. Sisters, God has a beautiful story of love written for you. Am I
saying settle? No way. But I am saying look at these men through the eyes of
Christ. Get your pride out of the way. Don’t define your marital success by how
well your wedding day or “lifestyle” stacks up with other women. Most
importantly, start seeing yourself as a true (not just perceived) gift from God
that can bring God’s favor and blessings into your husband’s life because that’s
what you are. So work to BECOME that and I truly wish you a love-filled,
Christ-centered happy marriage when it does happen