Growing a new human is a delicate, challenging time, full of upheavals. It’s fair to say that you are doing most of the work during pregnancy, along with the laboring part of the actual labor and it’s important to celebrate the awesome job you’re doing growing a human being.
Pregnancy is not a disease, but it requires a high level of medical care and attention. This is because pregnancy is a very delicate condition; consequently, there is a high possibility of “things going wrong”, both with the mother and the baby.
Ideally, medically, it’s advisable a lady starts giving birth only after 18years of age and finishes giving birth before the age of 35; a minimum of 2 children and a maximum of 4; and at least 2years spacing between two consecutive children, and not to have a time-space of more than 5years in between to kids; and to wait for a period of 6 months after a miscarriage before getting pregnant.
Every pregnancy should be confirmed with urine and, preferably, blood tests. A scan would be helpful too. And regular routine antenatal clinic visits commenced early enough. Be regular with visits and comply with routine drugs and vaccines. Report any and every symptom and complaint as soon as possible. Fever, vomiting, vaginal bleeding, and discharge, etc should not be taken lightly. Never take any drug not prescribed by your health provider. Never take herbal drugs. No smoking; no alcohol. Eat healthy, whole, natural foods. Sleep under an insecticide-treated mosquito net. Take very good care of yourself.
Give birth in a medical facility; don’t do it at home (or with grandma!). Fully immunized your baby. Exclusively Breastfeed.
Ladies, ask for care. Guys, offer care; offer much care–they deserve it!
So how can you help him?
Taking care of your pregnant wife, a detailed guide
Are you ready for the most stringent test you may ever face in your relationship?
Taking care of your pregnant wife is the ultimate challenge. It may not be what you think or what you see in movies.
Yes, pregnant women can be moody from time to time. They can also be demanding, but what their bodies are going through is remarkable! Anyone would be moody going through what they go through! Think about it, she is making a baby 24/7.
I can’t think of or describe anything comparable to the body, and life changes that happen to women when they get pregnant.
This is why it is absolutely critical that you take care of your wife or partner as best as you possibly can.
The list below will get your husband's status ranking as a hero. Follow the advice and take your new role seriously.
Ladies: share this post with the future dad in your life.
Fellas: bookmark this page, it is a long read! It will be a good reference during those nine months.
Physical needs
As your wife’s body changes, so do her physical needs. Trust me, there will be moments when you wish you could do more than give her a back rub. But since you can’t stop those aches and pains, you need to help when you can – even if it is temporary
1. Feed her
Yes, this is at the top of the list because it is crucial! Your wife needs all the nutrients she can get, and it’s a tricky task if she is nauseated. During the third trimester, some women do not have space in their belly for food. So the little food she gets needs to be packed with nutrients.
2. Massage her
Your wife’s body is going to be constantly aching, sore, and swollen. She may be in pain on the inside and out. That is why you need to massage her as best as you can. Especially the lower back, since it is carrying her belly’s weight. I used to massage my wife daily, and each day there was a new spot that was in pain.
Focus on the feet as well. Bonus points for using lotion when you rub her. You can also watch some proper massage techniques on YouTube. Below is a video from BabyCenter on how to give a pregnancy massage.
3. Stretch her out
Another way to help your wife’s body aches and pains is by stretching her out. I would stretch out her legs, back, arms, and neck for the most part. Our doctor gave us a print out of how to stretch her. Again do this daily – I would do it before we both got ready for work.
Sometimes I would also do it at night before bed. Sleep is a huge issue for pregnant women, so do what you can to help her rest. Stretching helped in the second trimester, the third trimester was more challenging.
4. Research what her body is going through
To care for her appropriately, you must do some research. Figure out what she may be going through. Although, I must say by reading this article you are on the right track.
5. Don’t laugh (too much) when she pees her pants
Okay so here is the deal – when a woman gets pregnant, her body goes through changes, and that can create embarrassing moments. She may fart in public, or pee her pants.
Rather than laughing at her, laugh with her – but only if she is laughing. If she is mortified, do what you can to alleviate the problem. Give her your jacket to cover up the pee or start the getaway car so you two can have a smooth exit.
6. Do more chores
Help out around the house as much as you possibly can. Having your wife bend, reach for stuff, lifting, or moving things around the house is not good. You do not want her to get hurt.
Take over her chores and the work she does around the house. One way I did it was I would rub her and get her to sleep early – then I would go clean up. Once the house was cleaned, I would just pick up each night.
7. Do what she can’t
Remember, your partner is not going to be herself, and even though she may attempt to do things she used to, she may not be successful. That is when you need to step up. Maybe she can’t bend to shave her legs, it happens, help her out. You two will bond as you do little things for her and she will thank you for it.
8. Take care of your pets or kids
Do you have a dog or cat? If you do, make that little one your responsibility while your wife is pregnant. Feed them, play with them, clean them, etc.
Same for the kiddos, take care of them. Do your best to distract them and care for them so your pregnant wife can take a break.
9. Let her rest
Doing all of the tips above should be able to allow your wife to rest when she gets home. Encourage her to rest, she will want to do a million things, do not let her. If she has a million things to do, tell her to write a list, and you do them.
Try not to make too many plans. Let your wife rest in the evenings and on the weekends as much as she can, especially if she works.
10. Do not let her overdo it
Finally, there are going to be times when she will be nesting and will want to clean up the entire house. When a pregnant woman is nesting, there is no stopping her. But what you can do is not let her overdo it.
Clean by her side, anytime she struggles take over those duties and tell her to take a break. Better yet, ask her to manage and supervise you, she will love that.
Emotional needs
We all know the stereotype of an emotional pregnant woman. That may be over the top, but both you and your partner will be on an emotional roller coaster before the baby comes. From the moment you find out you are going to be parents, to the moment your child is born – there will be nonstop emotions. Be strong and support your partner through these crazy times.
11. Put her first
You will be feeling things and going through struggles before the baby – but before you emotionally vomit all over your partner, hear her out first. Let her vent before you do, she is fighting emotions and hormones! What she is going through may even put your feelings into perspective (and maybe similar to yours), and can start a productive conversation.
Regardless, keep communicating; do let her know how you feel.
12. Give her a shoulder to cry on
Whether your wife has a legitimate reason to cry, like at the ultrasound appointment or no reason at all – just be there for her.
Maybe you have not had a good cry in a while, but crying does provide relief in many ways. So do not make your wife hold her tears back, be the one that wipes them off her face and makes her feel better once she is done.
13. Keep stress levels down
Being pregnant is a stressful time for women, so this one may be difficult. But there are ways to help minimize stress. Do not pretend like everything is okay – but if there is a leak in the kitchen sink and you can handle it, just handle it. You do not have to get your wife involved – if you do she will want to call a plumber or will start to stress out about buying a new sink.
Once the sink is fixed, then you can let her know – ‘hey by the way the sink was leaking, but do not worry I fixed it.’ This is just an example, anything you can do to stop even the slightest amounts of stress will help.
14. Compliment her
Pregnant women are beautiful. But they do not always feel like they are, in fact, many pregnant women are insecure with their big bellies. So let your partner know that she is beautiful every day.
Compliment her beyond her looks, let her know that she is doing an amazing job handling the pregnancy. Or compliment how natural she is about making decisions for your future baby. Whatever compliments you do throw out there, make sure they are sincere.
15. Spoil her
You have this amazing woman who is about to have your baby, she will go through the most excruciating pain of her life (trust me I was there and I had never seen my wife or anyone in so much pain before). Treat her like the goddess she is!
Spoil her, take care of her every want and need. If she needs a firmer pillow at 3 am, and you have to go buy one at the store, do it. In the grand scheme of things, that is an easy fix, but she will remember what you did for her forever.
If you really want to be here hero, get her a pregnancy pillow, my wife used hers for over two years! It will help her sleep, especially once she starts growing.
16. Be happy with her
When she is happy and excited, let her know how you feel too. Show your excitement by doing sweet little things for her and the baby. Things like working on the baby book or making something special for the nursery.
17. Be nervous with her
When she gets worried about having a baby and being a mother – echo her thoughts. Are you nervous about being a dad too? Let her know, talk about it, and make each other feel better about it.
18. Show your emotions too
Many dads hold their feelings in, but there are so many things going on you can easily get caught up in them. Instead of hiding them, share them. You can act tough around your buddies, but around your wife be strong for her and let her know what you are feeling. Make your relationship as open as possible before you become parents together.
19. Take her out to distract her
If you feel like her anxieties are getting the best of her, then go do something fun. Take her to a part of your city that she loves or to a movie. It does not matter what you do, as long as she can clear her head.
20. Comfort her
When there is nothing, you can do to make your wife feel better just comfort her. Give her a hug and let her relax in your arms. Reassure her that everything is going to be all right (such a cliché I know but its the truth) and be her rock. Get her through each day, it’s really the least you can do.
Listen to her.
After each day of growing a baby in her belly, your wife will have lots to tell you. All you have to do is give her the attention she deserves. If you are the type that is used to always providing suggestions or telling people what to do about a problem rather than listening – then you may need to adjust your way of thinking.
Instead of assuming your wife wants a solution, ask her.
“Is there something you want me to do or do you want me just to listen?”
Whatever her answer is, respect it.
21. Listen to when she complains
Repeat after me, ‘a pregnant woman has the right to complain.’
Say that about five times and make it your mantra. It is the truth, if anyone can complain, it’s a pregnant woman. I went to a pregnancy class, and they made all us dads wear a heavy pregnancy bodysuit. I could not tie my shoes or get up, and I was tired after a few minutes of wearing the suit.
After that class, I would repeat that mantra anytime my wife complained, which was hourly. But she had every right, and I love her.
22. Pay attention when she talks about the baby
Her mind will be consumed with your future baby. She will not stop talking about all your future plans and things you must get done.
Make sure you pay attention to what she says, let her know she is not talking to an unenthusiastic wall. Reply, ask questions, have a conversation. She will appreciate you for it.
23. Do what she asks
This one is major – do what she asks. Whether it’s grabbing her water from the refrigerator or escorting her to a class on how to set up a car seat, do it!
Do not even question it. It is not worth it, trust me, keep her happy, and remember she knows best.
24. Do not make her ask twice
If she asks you for anything, do it as soon as you can. Do not make her wait. So if she does ask you to go to a class, mark your calendar immediately.
If she asks you for water, do not let the opportunity arise for you to forget. Just get it done immediately. It will save you headaches trust me.
25. Encourage her decisions
There are many decisions involved when you have a baby. Many choices also include your wife’s body, which is why when making decisions you have to be extra sensitive towards her wishes.
For instance, the epidural, sure you can discuss the pro and cons with her and give her your opinion. In the end, it is her decision, and she needs your support – whether you agree or not. And even if her choices change, don’t throw it in her face or mock her, just say okay and move on.
26. Listen to her labor anxieties
One of my wife’s biggest fears about her pregnancy was the labor and giving birth part. She even told me she felt trapped because she knew the baby could only come out in two painful ways.
If your partner goes through this, just know it is normal. Listen to her fears, she knows you can’t take away the pain, so there is no need to try to fix it. But you can offer to support her in every way while she is giving birth and let her know you will be there for her. Tell her during labor that she can break your hand if needed or curse you out, anything to make her chuckle a bit.
27. Be open-minded about baby names
This one is difficult. It is extremely easy to say no to every name she brings up.
But rather than turning every discussion about baby names into a fight, if she gives you a list of 10, pick at least three you can honestly say are okay. Names you will keep in mind when you are going about your day. Then discuss it later.
Picking a name is hard to begin with, make the conversations more collaborative, and less like a game show where you buzz every wrong answer. It may be funny at first denying each other’s name ideas, but after months it just gets old and troublesome.
28. Google things that may be bothering her
This is the best time to get Dr. Google out! If something is bothering your wife, look it up and make sure it is normal. Your wife may be tired of looking up every symptom – so it’s nice to do some of the legwork for her.
If there are some cool ideas on how to stop what is bothering her, do it!
29. Play her favorite music
Knowing my wife had a rough night and had to wake up early for work, I would wake her up with her favorite tunes. She loved it, and it put her in a good mood at least for a little while.
We also made a playlist for her delivery room, I even took our Bluetooth speaker so she could hear her music.
30. She is always right (unless it is risky)
During pregnancy just know – your partner is right, even when she is not. But is there really a reason to argue? Not really, unless it is a risky situation.
If she says, it’s going to rain so take your umbrella, when there is not a single cloud in the sky, just thank her and grab that umbrella.
Health & fitness
Get your lifestyle in check, having a baby really does change the way you live. You will sleep less and do more. There is no time like during pregnancy to prepare for the life changes and it starts with your health.
Now more than ever, you will want to be healthy for wife and baby. Here are some ways to get started.
31. Encourage her to stay active
Your wife will most likely be lethargic during her pregnancy. Her body is working overtime – but she needs to be prepared for her labor. That means she needs to be active during her labor, so encourage her. Not in an annoying way like a high school football coach. Do it lovingly.
32. You need to get healthy and active too
Encourage her by being healthy yourself. I wanted to be ready to take care of our baby, so during the pregnancy, I went to the gym at 5 am every morning. Also, the meals I made at home were healthy.
33. Take her for walks
Almost daily, my wife and I went for walks. During a class we took on labor, the speaker told us we have to prepare for a”50-mile hike.” That is how they compared the amount of physical activity a woman’s body goes through during labor, a 50-mile hike. It freaked my wife out and got her to move more.
Our walks were also an excellent way for us to talk and catch up with each other. One night my wife could not sleep and was uncomfortable. We ended up taking a half-hour walk at 3 am, after that she slept well. We walked up to her due date, it was challenging for her by then, but we had a great walk a few hours before her water broke.
34. Help her exercise
More so into the third trimester, everything physically becomes a task. Do what you can to help your wife when she wants to exercise. It can be something as simple as setting up the mat for her to do yoga, or it can be helping her get in her yoga positions. Whatever it is be her trainer.
35. Try to eat right
Being future parents is scary, emotional eating does happen. It’s okay to indulge once in a while, but try your best to eat healthy foods. I packed my wife’s breakfast and lunch daily, so I made sure to make her tasty salads. Veggies and almonds were her go-to snacks. Around dinner time we usually ate something light since she had limited space in her stomach.
36. Look out for warning signs that something may not be right
If your wife gets headaches or feels dizzy– keep an eye on her. If something is not right call her OBGYN. If she starts bleeding or has severe symptoms, get help immediately.
Monitor her symptoms and help her determine what to do if something does not feel right.
37. Be a part of her supplement or medical routine
If your wife gets prescribed supplements or other medicines make sure she takes them. Our morning routine was, I put on music, rubbed her back, stretched her body, and then gave her water and her supplement. I added her supplements to our routine when I realized she kept forgetting to take them.
38. Admire her changing body
As her body grows, so does your baby. Each week your wife gets through, is a tremendous feat. In fact, she may have just grown feet for your baby! Which is why you need to let her know how much you admire her and her body. Let her know how proud you are of her.
39. Stare at her moving belly lovingly
Give her belly some attention too. Look at her belly in amazement.
When she tells you the baby is moving, stop everything and try to feel those movements, it is miraculous. When you do feel or see the movements celebrate or try to film them.
40. Be positive
With nine months of physical struggles, it is easy for a pregnant woman to feel defeated. Be that positive beacon for your partner. When she is down, lift her up. If she feels like this pregnancy will never end, let her know it will, and you will have the most precious baby at the end. A baby you are hoping will have her eyes and intelligence. That reminder alone will cheer her up.
Keep her comfortable
I may sound like a broken record at this point – but as your pregnant loved one grows, so do her struggles. There are many ways you can keep her comfortable, I am listing just a few. Do what works best for your wife, it will differ from one woman to the next. It even varies from one pregnancy to the next.
41. Let her relax
Any and every moment you can, let your wife relax. If that means you have to run errands for her or put away laundry, then do so.
Between work and pregnancy, moments for relaxation can be rare, especially if you already have kids. Do not just allow her to relax, see if there is anything you can do to maximize her relaxation. Maybe light a candle for her and dim the lights.
42. Give her space
Taking care of your wife does not necessarily mean being on top of her all the time. Sometimes she may just want some time alone. That is fine, give her some space by taking the dogs for a walk or retreating to your man cave.
If the house is cleaned up and all is well, you should relax too.
43. Put her shoes on
Once that belly is popped anything that involves bending gets rough, including shoes. Offer to help her put them on daily, it will save her from struggling. Even putting on slip-on shoes becomes a daunting task toward the end of the pregnancy.
44. Help her get ready
The mornings can get difficult as your partner’s pregnancy progresses. She may need help to get her clothes on too. Do what you can to help her, especially if one of her drawers is low.
45. Pull chairs out and open doors
Opening doors for women may not be required like it was in the past. But with a baby brewing in the belly, be as courteous as you can with the pregnant woman in your life.
Save her from the battling with chairs and doors, she has enough to deal with.
46. Help her up and let her hold onto you when she walks
During pregnancy, there is this moment where a woman can’t get up on her own anymore. I can’t pinpoint that exact moment but it happens, and when it does you will need to help her up.
She may also be waddling or having a rough time maneuvering that big belly. Let her hold onto your arms and guide her around. Slow down your walking pace too.
47. Drive her around
Even driving becomes a challenge for pregnant women – so drive your wife around as much as you can. I changed my schedule the last trimester so I could take my wife to work and pick her up. Her hours were longer than mine, so it worked out fine.
There were also days when she just felt sick and needed to rest a bit, I drove her on those days as well. To this day, she still thanks me for being there for her. She was determined to save as much time off for her maternity leave, and my support helped her do that.
48. Get the house ready
Get working on your ‘to do’ list early in her pregnancy. Especially if this is your first child. You will look at your home and see many baby hazards! These are things you do not want to be doing during her third trimester – you will be busy with other things by then.
Clear up baby’s room, make space in your room, paint, and fix things. These are all first trimester duties.
49. Set up baby furniture
Setting up baby furniture is more of a second-trimester duty. By then you should have a space for things you will need for your infant. Make the changing table, bassinet, rocking chair, dresser, etc.
Once you start getting a collection of unopened furniture boxes, I guarantee it will stress your partner out if you do not make them almost immediately. So do your relationship a favor and get those things made fast. Do not procrastinate on this.
50. Save money
One way to really make her feel comfortable is by being financially secure. Having a baby is expensive. Together, you two can save more than you think during those nine months. Build up your saving together by being frugal – it will make her feel better to know you have some money saved up.
Medical and birth
Taking care of your wife all boils down to being prepared once the baby is ready to be delivered. That is why being involved medically will prepare you for what is to come. It is also the toughest part of the test. The more you prepare with your wife, the more confidence you will be once that day comes.
51. Go to the doctor’s appointments with her
Remember the baby belongs to both you and your partner, so be involved and go to the doctor’s appointments. If you need, take a notebook and pen – jot down notes, so you remember everything the doctor says.
Do not just go to the appointments, become proactive in your wife and baby’s development. Do not rely on your wife to remember everything, take action.
52. Keep an eye on her
Once again, be aware of what your wife is going through and how she is feeling. Primarily as the day draws near. An odd feeling can lead to labor. Be flexible with your schedule for the last month, anything can happen.
53. Help her with her morning sickness
Morning sickness is the worst! Do you know how it feels when you eat something bad and throw up? Well, imagine that daily. Not fun at all.
If your wife gets herself dirty or makes a mess in the restroom – clean it up. If crackers help her, pack some for her to go. There is no escaping morning sickness, but you can help her feel better by doing little things.
54. Go to pregnancy classes with her
My wife dragged me to so many classes and there came a point where I just wanted to tell her that we had been to enough of them. But I stopped myself.
Instead, I went to every class I was asked of, and you know what? It helped me. The pregnancy classes helped me understand what my wife was really going through. They also taught me how I can support her during labor and when the time came I was glad that we were prepared.
55. Go to parenting classes with her
Same as above – we went to all sorts of classes where we bathed and dressed up baby dolls. At the time it seemed so silly – but I was thanking my lucky stars that we practiced on a doll once we had our daughter!
They taught us how to put a shirt on a baby so she wouldn’t cry, and it actually worked. And the car seat class I mentioned earlier? That was a lifesaver! Before we left the hospital we had to strap her in, and it was hard, but we remembered what we learned in the class, and that really helped us.
On our way home from the hospital, I thanked my wife for making us go to all those classes. Who knew how valuable they would be?
56. Go baby shopping with her
Can you believe some women do all the shopping and prepping for their baby? I know this because I did everything with my wife, we bought every piece of furniture and clothing together. Most of the time I was the only man around.
I always saw pregnant women with other women, like their moms and sisters. Which is fine, but I prefer to be involved, and I know my wife appreciates it. I am sure your wife will too.
57. Prepare for the labor and delivery room
There are lots of tips and tricks out there that a dad must know to help his wife during labor. Prepare and know what to expect. You do not want your wife in the middle of labor while you are trying to google for help secretly.
58. Do breathing exercises with her
There are breathing exercises that will help get your wife through labor a little easier. I thought it was odd and dreaded practicing it, it was such a chore that I would rather do chores.
Let me tell you when your wife is in excruciating pain and getting her to breathe through the pain is the only thing you can do – you will be thankful you practiced. My advice, practice often, learn the patterns, learn everything they teach. You will be grateful for it.
59. Do anything to prepare her for labor
On that same note, read and learn things to help her in the delivery room. There will be some things you will not be ready for – but everything you do gain will be valuable. Learn together and prep together, it will help you in the long run.
60. Help pack the hospital bags
Finally, pack all three of your hospital bags together. One for mommy, daddy, and baby. I forgot to pack mine! I was not ready when her water broke, so I had to go back home after the baby was born – my time would have been better spent at the hospital.
Final thoughts
Alright, if you made it this far then, you are on the right path to taking care of your wife while she is pregnant. I know this was not a short post, but this information is the cliff notes version of what you will need over the next nine months.
I will be writing more in-depth ways to take care of your pregnant wife, and when they are available, I will link them here.
Bottom line – take care of your wife physically and emotionally. Let her relax and learn everything you can about what her body is going through.
Do these things, and you will be her hero. It will also make your relationship stronger and get you on the right path as you welcome your new baby.
So go out there and start massaging your wife, helping out around the house, and getting prepared for your new life. Congrats future daddy!