Teens are starving for attention from an adult who believes in them.
A teen who doesn’t have a healthy relationship
with an adult often lacks confidence. They are less likely to develop the communication and social skills needed to establish strong personal boundaries because no
one is available to be a role model. They have no one to turn to
for guidance when they’re suffering and need to talk.
Teens who lack the presence of a significant adult in their
lives are targeted for bullying more often than peers who
have strong adult support. Some teens find the support they crave through
participation in gangs. They are 80 percent more likely to struggle with
depression and six times more likely to attempt suicide (NCBI, 2013).
The good news is this: Our kids don’t have to drown in
silent desperation. Every kid is ONE caring adult away from being a success story. A mentor is
a torch who helps kids see into their futures. Mentoring offers emotional
support, guidance, and encouragement for lonely youth.
Youth mentoring is a process of matching young people with a caring adult. Adult mentors are usually unrelated to the child or teen and work as volunteers through community-, school-, or church-based programs.
Training is essential to the mentor preparation process. Not
every volunteer possesses the qualities, emotional stability, or skills to be a
mentor. The most successful mentoring programs interview potential mentors and
offer mentor training. They consistently check in with mentors and mentees to
monitor progress and track feedback.
We've outlined 10 tips for adults who want to be successful youth
mentors:
- Build relationships
grounded in trust. Many teens without mature role models are
suspicious of adults. Do not try to become your mentee’s best friend or
substitute parent. Mentors are positive role models who invite open
communication and mutual respect.
- Create
realistic goals and expectations. Do not expect your mentee to confide
in you right away. Ask questions; get to know your mentee. As your
relationship grows, your mentee will feel more comfortable sharing
his or her life with you.
- Have
fun together. Find out what kind of activities your mentee
enjoys. Go bowling or watch a good movie. Shoot some hoops. Play miniature
golf. Walk through a mall or grab a snack at a food bar. You need not
spend a lot of money to build a strong mentor/mentee relationship; what’s
most valuable is your investment of time.
- Discuss
decisions about activities with your mentee. Some teens may be
shy to suggest ideas because they don’t want to appear rude or needy.
Others are content to let you make the decisions, especially in the
beginning stages of your relationship. When you ask your mentee for input,
this shows you value his or her ideas.
- Allow
your mentee to reveal personal information when they are ready. Give
your mentee permission to reveal how much (or how little) information they
wish to share with you. Remind them that they can share with you without
fear of judgement.
- Listen.
When you ask questions and listen, you give mentees permission to share
their stories and personal experiences without criticism.
- If
a mentee asks for advice, focus on solutions. Allow your mentee
time to release uncomfortable emotions if they need to vent, but
encourage him or her to consider their options. When they focus less on
what they can’t control and shift their attention to those areas within
their control: including their own thoughts, feelings, decisions, and
actions, they reclaim their personal power. Don’t get stuck in the
problem; consider solutions.
- Be
positive. Briefly share your own experiences to demonstrate
empathy, but your time together is not about you – it’s about your mentee.
Do not bog down your time or monopolize conversations with stories about
your struggles when you were growing up. If your mentee feels
"stuck," remind him or her they can change their perspective by changing their thoughts.
- Your
primary relationship is with your mentee, not their parents or family
members. Do not try to act as an intermediary between your mentee
and family. Resist efforts as a mentor to be drawn into parental or
familial issues. Discuss matters of concern with your program
director.
- It
is your responsibility to set a good example as a mentor. Your
mentee will lose trust in you if you can’t be depended upon to honor your
commitments. Decide upon consistent times to talk or meet with your
mentee. Show up on time. Your lack of commitment can be devastating for
the young person you offered to support. If you are unsure about the time
or emotional commitment you have to share with a child or teen, do not
volunteer to be a mentor until you are confident you can fulfill the
responsibilities.
The presence or absence of a consistent, caring adult in a
young person’s life often determines whether they thrive or drop out of
school; whether they
dream and believe in their unlimited potential or feel hopeless
without a future. As a mentor, you will have many opportunities to close this
gap and ensure someone has the support needed to be optimistic and excited
about his or her own life. One young person at a time.