HELLO. I AM A BOOKWORM. I LIKE TO HAVE A BOOK WITH ME AT ALL TIMES.
Some people might call this ridiculous or obsessive but
BAH. I am here to laugh in their faces and give you an excellent list of
reasons why you should ALWAYS take a book with you. They are fabulously
logical reasons and you’ve probably experienced many already.
Ignore the haters. Always bring a book.
- YOU MIGHT GET BORED AND NEED ENTERTAINMENT. Don’t underestimate how crippling it can be to be bored and stranded without anything to do. If you have a book, you can redeem the time, keep your brain busy, and let people around you know you’re literate. Which is always nice.
No one will ever say this to you. #win
- YOU
MIGHT NEED TO REACH SOMETHING ON A VERY HIGH SHELF. If you are
short, like me, and something is out of your reach — well — VOILA! A book
will solve all your problems. Simply stand on it and be taller. It’s handy
to carry around books by George RR Marin or Brandon Sanderson for this
purpose. Both those authors are intent on writing books that are cubes of
thickness.
- YOU
MIGHT GET ATTACKED BY 'ZOMBIES' AND NEED TO DEFEND YOURSELF. This
happens all the time and it’s so annoying. Take a book.
Be weaponized intelligently.
- THERE MIGHT BE “WANTED” POSTERS FOR YOU AROUND TOWN AND IF YOU PUT A BOOK IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, IT DOUBLES AS AN EXCELLENT DISGUISE. I’m not prying about why you’re wanted, but these things happen, and I’m 99% sure the world still uses posters like in Tangled. A book is grand disguise and will cover your face most efficiently.
- NO
ONE CAN ACCUSE YOU OF BEING WICKED. Because you know that good ol’
Lemony Snicket quote…
“WICKED PEOPLE NEVER HAVE TIME FOR READING. IT’S ONE OF THE REASONS FOR THEIR WICKEDNESS.” You are not guilty.
- IT
CAN HELP YOU STOP WASTING WORDS. When you’re strolling about
with friends/family/poisonous-reptiles and they irritatingly say, “So what
are you doing this weekend?” you don’t need to waste a single breath.
Simply whip your book out and smack it in their face so they can read
the title. Ta da! Question = solved.
- IT
CAN SIMPLY BE AN ACCESSORY. People carry around phones all the
time, and small bags of snacks, and even pet pocket crocodiles. Why can’t
you carry a book?
- IT
CAN SAVE SEATS! If you’re in the cinema or a restaurant, you can
put a book on a chair to save it for someone — or simply to stop anyone
sitting near you because that’s seriously annoying. Personal bubble.
C’mon, humans.
- IF
YOU GOT CAUGHT IN A BLIZZARD YOU COULD SEW CLOTHING OUT OF THE PAGES. I’m
not sure how warm this would be and you’d also need to carry scissors and
thread, but you could do it. Don’t be a doubter.
- AND
IF YOU WERE REALLY DESPERATE YOU COULD PROBABLY EAT IT. I don’t
know?? Could it help you survive?? I think so??? I’m not sure how tasty it
would be, but giraffes eat trees and books are trees and I refer to
many humans as giraffes so I can foresee this working.